


Pastries Radiate a Loving Remedy

by NevaraRaven



Series: A Believed Unhealthy Obsession [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Caleb Widogast Deserves Nice Things, Crushes, Established Relationship, F/M, Original Character(s), POV Caleb Widogast, Pining, Sad Jester Lavorre, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Widojest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:33:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27058783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevaraRaven/pseuds/NevaraRaven
Summary: After seeing Jester sad and broken Caleb, despite his ever loving affection, made it his goal to make her smile. As long as his worrisome thoughts don't get in the way."To try and forget her distressed face, tears threatening to release. The way her body quivered, her voice crack whilst speaking only a few words. The way he willingly pulled Jester into a hug and barely got any response in return...In truth There was nothing that could keep his keen mind from that vision. Her tears were a curse. Could make him break at any moment.He couldn’t walk away now."
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Series: A Believed Unhealthy Obsession [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904815
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	Pastries Radiate a Loving Remedy

Small dancing lights floated behind Caleb as the young wizard paced, the sound of Caleb Widogast’s beating heart pulsating in his own head; echoing loudly as his thoughts bounced around his skull. Walking through his room, library, hallway and then back again. Making constant treks as he tried to conjure up any thoughts that didn’t just turn up... _jumbled_.

It had only been a half day since Fjord's unceremonious secret was finally released as the tiefling left her room. It was 3:32 am to be exact...and he couldn’t sleep. How could one falter to a peaceful slumber when his senses were now hypervigilant with everything that had to do with _Jester Lavorre._ It was as if the thought of her caused his heart to swell with love...then remembering her face, her whole demeanor dropped as if who she was wasn’t really there anymore, would then in turn cause that same beating monster in his chest turn sour with worry.

She didn’t need to be happy, he knew this; of _course_ he knew this...but it wasn’t as if he _wanted_ her to be sad just for sorrow sakes. He didn’t want to look at her and see himself. A disheveled man who’s past had corrupted him into who he is today. She didn’t deserve that when all she did was fall in love...and even that wasn’t a mistake, wasn’t such an atrocious act that it should bring her down forever. ‘ _Gods he wasn’t made to help a broken heart…’_

That one thought kept on repeating in his head.

Wasn’t going to stop him from trying.

Caleb stopped walking, leaning against the dark glossed wood, hand grabbing at his chest. The dull pain was conflicting, he knew he wasn’t dying. No, he was just confused and lost. Jester could always take care of herself, Caleb knew this, but did she _have_ to?

His head leaned back, breathing deeply as one hand ran through his ginger locks; slicking it back and out of his face for at least the moment. He quickly snapped frumpkin back in existence right on the table in front of him. The bengal cat moved around in a circle a few times before jumping into Caleb's open arms. 

“Do you hear that, Frumpkin?” the ginger scritches the back of his companions head, Frumpkin making a few mewing noises, “It won’t stop…”

There wasn’t an answer, there wouldn’t be. He knew why this situation affected him so much. His overwhelming love for Jester, which he hid and locked away with bits and pieces escaping now and again after discerning that she would be _okay_ without him, was full force once more. Though his _emotions_ were over taken from wanting to make her happy.... more so than ordinarily.

Caleb put his head to Frumpkin’s, sighing deeply before the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. His ears hearing the awkward steps of a half orc walking around. He swears that if the house wasn’t so empty he wouldn’t be able to train on the footsteps of the inhabitants so far away...but that was a lie. In truth he had just been nervous that, after his spat with the half orc, Fjord would go to Jester’s room and make this worse. It was his right to _apologize_ for at least hiding her distressed state but it didn’t sit right with him that it would take the wizard _yelling_ at him for the paladin to do so. To do _anything_.

So as he had been sitting and pacing throughout the Xhorhaus he thought, and listened...truly memorizing the sounds of both him and Caduceus’s footsteps after that tense moment. It wasn’t as if Caleb could focus on his spellbook when the thrumming of his heart kept a constant pace with the pounding of his head.

He stayed still, fingers gently caressing behind Frumpkin’s ears as his vibrant blue eyes dulled; staying focused as he tracked Fjord's movements. 

Walking towards Jester’s room...stopping… stands there… turns around...returns to her door before then continuing onto the conjoined room. The half orc must still be reeling on their lunchtime _conversation_ if he was still up this late. Though it did confuse Caleb greatly why the paladin wasn’t just borrowing one of the other rooms instead of using his bedroom right _next_ to her. If what Fjord had said was accurate and not an excuse...the blueberry wanted to be alone. So the paladin purposefully still lounging in their conjoined room like nothing was wrong was upsetting if not just awkward.

A held breath finally released from Caleb's lungs, one that he didn’t even know he was holding. Frumpkins nose scrunched up at the sudden breath before crawling up from his arms and wrapping himself around the wizard's neck.

Caleb's hand moves to scratch his cat's head, a heavy sigh following as he steps away from the door frame, once again starting his metholitcal pacing. ‘ _We have less than a week before the scheduled meeting in Zadash…’_ Sure he could cut Veth, Beau and Yashas vacation early for Jester but he felt _uncomfortable_ with just popping in. He knows his friends would jump through hoops for Jester and if he had the magic capabilities to inform them all of the situation he would.

An event like this should not be considered a _secret_ as Fjord had done. Caleb was sure that as soon as the Nein were back together this...situation... No, that is Jester's choice if she wants to tell them. It isn’t his place too...is it his place to even try to make her happy at this moment? Was it _greedy_ of him or even his duty to make Jester happy?

Caleb stopped again in place, both hands on the desk in the library, looking down at a piece of paper he had started to write on only to stop. _‘What if I...don’t bring it up? Let_ her _tell me...and and...and only do things that I would normally.’_ his eyes squinted as he tried to to contemplate an already awkward and sad situation to...anything else. ‘ _...Has she talked to the Archfey about this?’_

He answered the question almost immediately knowing that Artagan is still her best friend even after the whole Moonweaver fiasco. Though if she was still crying alone for so long he could only imagine that the conversation didn’t help...not much that an Archfey can do for mortal emotions no matter how much he seemed to _change_ because of the tiefling. “Do you think they have any pastries in Rosohna?” He scratches Frumpkin’s head as his cat purred, “Would that be a reason to go see Essek?” more mews escaped Frumpkin as he nuzzled into Caleb's cheek. “Ah...in a few more hours I think...I could go see if there are any uh...any bakeries. None would be open at this time of night.” Soundlessly the fey cat jumped from his shoulders, eventually meowing as Caleb watched his cat trot over to his bedroom, jumping onto his bed and moving to make bread out of his pillow. “ Ah...I uh...maybe I could sleep in that time…to think clearly?”

And time went by, every minute, every second being counted in Caleb Widogasts mind as the wizard still wasn’t able to get any amount of sleep in. His insomnia being fueled by the multiple worries roaming inside of his head.

Is it even his _right_ to try to make Jester Lavorre happy? He does want to see her smile...would that be considered greedy or selfish of him? 

_She_ wasn’t the one to tell him. What if Jester didn’t _want_ anyone to know?

Or what if the wizard just forced himself in the situation because of his hidden feelings. He wasn’t planning to take advantage of her. Jester was his _friend_ and friends do things to make their friends happy… Like purchase pastries

What if there aren’t any pastry shops in Roshana? He’s not much of a cook, Caduceus is though. He could use spells to go get her some of her favorite cupcakes from Uthodurn. 

The thoughts were on repeat and in that order.

Undeserving guilt, selfishness eating at him through his skin. Caleb admits to himself he has grown since being with the Nein yet falling in love with the tiefling still caused him grief. The repeated lines of she deserves better, there will always be someone more superior... These broken thoughts always play in his head whenever Caleb had an inkling of confessing. Though that was before Fjord and Jester had gotten together, when he thought they were meant to be.

Caleb sighs, sitting on the edge of his bed, hunched over as he runs both of his hands through his long hair. Eyes closed as he tries to remember what sleep used to be like. Good dreams or even nightmares would be nice, that way he wouldn’t be as exhausted.

That was a lie, there were certain dreams that would make him wake up and feel extremely guilty _and_ exhausted all at the same time.

His blue eyes eventually opened up to stare at the ground; Not wanting to even look in a mirror knowing the dark circles under his eyes were even more prominent. This surely wasn’t the first time sleep was kept from him but it was _one_ of those nights where his thoughts were solely on Jester. 

Not as rare as one may assume.

With a yawn and a stretch the ginger stood up, tying his hair in a loose ponytail before heading his way down to the kitchen. Glad that their home didn’t just have an abundance of tea. 

Coffee was a rare thing in the Xhorhaus but even Beau required coffee in the morning sometimes, tea not always doing the right trick for her. He got lost in his thoughts, the water slowly coming to a boil as the coffee grounds he needed were set to the side, he occasionally looked outside of the window. The dark sky filled with relatively fake constellations for the time of day, bright stars plaguing the sky. ‘ _It must be nice to stargaze…’_

“Good morning Caleb.” a shiver ran up the wizard's spine, having not noticed the pink firbolg making his way down stairs and into the kitchen. Caduceus is normally not a silent individual. Caleb must have been _very_ distracted especially since he _memorized_ their footsteps the previous night.

“ _Ja…_ _guten morgen_ Caduceus…” his voice was quiet and scattered when he first spoke, clearing his throat of any change, he smiled weakly at his friend, “I apologize I..didn’t uh...desire tea this morning…”

Caduceus’s hand patted Caleb's shoulder and squeezed. Seemingly knowing, of course he knew, that sleep had not come to him. “Ah...that is fine. I don’t have many that could help your current status.” the cleric hummed, grabbing the watering can that was left on the counter, twirling his hand in the air before water suddenly appears, the can slowly filling up “After yesterday I could only assume that your sleep was consumed by thought.”

“Ah is this uh...my stern talking too now?”

“Not at all.” Caduceus topped off the pitcher, placing it down on the table. “I thought you were...pretty honest.”

“Am I not?” the wizard asked, raising an eyebrow. ‘ _True…’_ He thought but was always too afraid to admit outloud.

Caduceus smiled softly at that, “I trust you...we all keep our secrets but your heart...you never express it. Suffocating your true desire...Your verbal scuffle with Fjord was uh...not unwarranted and not surprising either.'' The firbolg reached in the cabinet, pulling out a mug and placed it on the counter next to Caleb. “If not you I might of been able to convince him to meditate with me before...letting his own heart flow out.”

Caleb swallowed hard, his chest tightening just slightly enough to be uncomfortable. The insightful cleric wouldn't miss his one sided love on the tiefling...after _Yasha_ saw right through his mask he could only assume Caduceus _knew_ . The wizard just hadn’t confirmed it, “ _Ja…_ ” 

“I’ve tried to uh...already be there for Jester a couple of days ago when she didn’t come to breakfast.”

Caleb held in his breath, thinking about all the days he stayed in the library. If he hadn’t been so alone and focused maybe he could have seen this coming as well.

“But Jester...I do believe she truly wanted to be alone. To not _scare_ us with her mask having been shredded up…'' Caduceus sighs slightly trying to look Caleb in the eyes only to notice the blue seemed to be dull. Focused on the slow bubbles of his water. “I don’t know everything about Jester but...I feel in my heart that this might be the first time she has been through something like this.”

“Do you believe then that uh...that trying to...cheer her up...is _cruel?_ ” Caleb side eyed Caduceus, seeing the soft and loving smile spread across his lips.

“You have always been able to make her smile Caleb...if anyone could cheer her up it would be you…friends want friends to be ah….to feel better.” Caduceus pats his back once more, pointing down at the clearly boiling water, to catch Caleb's attention. “My only suggestion is to watch her...don’t _force_ yourself on her…”

A slight blush climbs up his ears as the ginger pours the water in his cup of ground up coffee, “Caduceus I...would never?”

“Ah my apologies.'' A low chuckle left the firbolg’s throat, “I meant to watch her body language...if she doesn’t want to be pushed, don't. I do trust in your abilities to help her at least a little bit.'' The cleric picked up his watering can; the gentle smile calmed Caleb's nerves. “I’m excited to see what you could accomplish, like always.”

“I promise…” the wizard's eyebrows furrowed as he sips his coffee, “I feel guilty for uh...not noticing.”

“You were distracted...we are separated for once and one could only assume that if the rest of this _family_ was here she might have kept her suffering inside. Not able to turn off her charm and let her absolute raw emotions out.” 

“So we are _lucky_ that Fjord broke her heart during this uh...vacation time.”

“Not lucky… just think of the possibility of a smiling Jester making light of her first love breaking up with her. We are pretty insightful individuals and while we could all know she is not okay...with so many people i’m not so sure she would _want_ to talk about this. She might have not even _cried_.” Caduceus squeezes Caleb's shoulder once more, the sudden touch making the ginger’s body stiffen. His mind was distracted with images of the sapphire holding in all the burden, worried of disappointing all of them if she couldn’t smile. “You’re creative..I know you could find out something.”

“Ah I’m not creative Caduceus.” A soft chuckle left his lungs before taking another drink from his mug, “I think she uh...she rubs off on me just a bit.”

“Follow your heart Caleb.” the cleric began to make his way up the stairs, to the garden. 

Caleb's hip rested on the counter, a long breath released from his lungs as his hands focused on the hot mug. His thumb slowly caressing the porcelain in small, constant circles. His eyes lazily stared at the floor, constant sips of coffee to casually stimulate his mind, warming up his throat.

It is not greedy or selfish to make Jester happy.

His love shouldn’t cause him to differ and walk away especially as the tiefling suffered alone.

Caleb Widogast will not push her...but by not _trying_ he would be as bad as Fjord.

Finishing his cup, he stretched his arms above his head a small dull crack of his back reverberated off the walls as his stress and confusion from the night before was lifted, just by a little, thanks to Caduceus’s insight. 

A snap of his finger and Frumpkin nuzzled around his neck, purring slightly as he created a scarf. Caleb’s hand scratching behind the cats ears before softly smiling to himself, “Ah...you have an important mission my friend.”

His pace slowed as he made his way up the stairs, not wanting to create too much noise to awaken either Jester or Fjord. It was very _early_ in retrospect. It wasn’t a surprise that Caduceus was up, him being quite the morning bird, but those two most likely would still be asleep. Especially if Jester was truly in her distressed state. Staring at the dark wooden door of the tieflings bedroom, he smiled softly as he noticed all the small drawings and carvings detailing the entryway. Clearly Jester’s work, the designs showcased both Beau _and_ her personalities perfectly. 

Shaking his head he sits down from across her room, quickly beginning to write as Frumpkin continues to nuzzle into him. ‘ _I’ll be out for a bit but I will be back. I figured Frumpkin would be nice company. If you don’t want him feel free to let him out. -Caleb’_ He re-read and re-wrote this note multiple times before nodding.

“Frumpkin...leave this by Jesters bedside table...if she wants your company make sure to be as uh... _liebenswert_ as possible. Be everything for her as you are to me…” Frumpkin stretches, meowing once as the bengal cat takes the note in his mouth, Caleb nodded before snapping him into Jester's room. It might have been awkward for the wizard to message her without knowing if she was awake, he didn’t want to risk it. 

He quickly got dressed for an early morning in Rosohna remembering to put on his coat and carry around The Bright Queen symbol in his pocket. He’d walked around before, and while most of the citizens know the Mighty Nein by now it wasn’t as if he had not been fucked around with previously. He had hoped that even with being a human that being the _saviors_ who brought back the beacon would mean a spell didn’t have to be wasted to get what he wanted. 

Few drow walked the streets, giving Caleb multiple looks before getting back to their own individual conversations. The wizard’s eyes looked as if he had been on a mission while making it to a slightly more populated area. He’d been here before, after Essek pointed him in the right direction to replenish his spell components, the Wizard was able to make his way to a shop at the end of a market place. Compared to Zadash, Nicodranas or Rexxentrum Rosohna’s place to shop seemed to be more main lined, rare for a special eccentric little shop that peaks around the corner.

It wasn’t small at all, but Caleb never really _explored_ the area like he'd been used to doing. The human aspect makes him uncomfortable to stay too long without the others. He assumed the Nein felt the same awkwardness when here which is why they hadn’t explored this part of town. Or if they had the wizard must have been too distracted to notice.

Caleb walked through the streets, passing multiple storefronts which were still closed this _early_ , some stands with exotic fruit being set up. The ginger could only assume that the planted food was grown magically or brought into Rosohna from outside the city. 

He walked by clothing stores and blacksmiths, shops that the Nein _were_ aware of as they purchased new outfits to blend in better. The blacksmith shops seemingly already up and about stoking the fires for the day. 

There Caleb went, walking up and down this marketplace for almost about an hour, not wanting to ask for directions to a _bakery_ . There _had_ to be...Essek had sweets once...not to Jester’s liking but maybe the Drow didn’t prefer certain cookies or cakes that were sugary.

After a turn of another corner he makes his way past a dark small building, a singular light coming from a tiny window on the door. The dark brick makes it blend into the shops around it, the name above hidden within a simulary colored dark wood. Two plumes of smoke coming from the back and into the dark sky. If a citizen of Rosohna hadn’t left and opened the door, Caleb wouldn't have noticed it was even there. It was the smell that caught his attention, a fresh stove baking pastries early in the morning. Exactly as Caleb had hoped for.

“Ah… _guten morgen_ …” his voice was quiet but echoed in the room, the inside of this bakery much bigger than the outside would make it seem. A few tables covered with a shimmering cloth with stars that almost look as if they are slowly drifting in space. A singular floating light, much like his own dancing light spell, sitting at the center of each table as a decoration. Cases filled with already freshly baked muffins, cookies, donuts and more; the smell wafting in the room. It’s a surprise there tiefling hadn’t found this place with her nose alone.

An eyepatch wearing goblin filling up the case was the first to notice him, a large toothy grin pulling at her lips as she saw him. “A _unique_ visitor huh?” her voice was scratchy and high pitched, he could see a long scar traveling from her ear and around her throat.

Caleb nods, still holding the symbol in the pocket of his coat, willing to pull it out if needed. “ _Ja_ I’m sorry I haven’t the uh...pleasure to visit.” he smiled nervously stepping closer to the counter, “This place is much like uh...a secret in the mist.”

“Welcome, welcome to The Shrouded Empyreal.” her long black hair was tied up in a bun behind her head, a blackened apron dusted with splatters of flour, “and what can I get for you _human_.”

“Well actually what are your best sellers here?” his blue eyes scan around the case’s, eyes focusing on a bright blue frosted cupcake, star sprinkles coating the top like sugar. “Everything smells ah... _wunderbar_ ...wonderful _._ ” he repeated in common.

“Well you see what we have…everything sells fantastically.” her clawed hands waved dramatically over the case, she began to walk up a step ladder to be face to face with Caleb, “Cupcakes, muffins, donuts, croissant, bread you name it and you can get it at The Shrouded Empyreal.”

“Bear Claws?”

“Sorry, but no.”

“Anything with Cinnamon?”

“Apologies.”

Caleb sighed slightly, running his hand through his hair, _‘Not everything...though I’m not surprised.’_ “Well...I would definitely like at least one freshly baked bread.” He nods slightly, “Uh...but how much would it be for two of everything? No...two of everything and four of those blue cupcakes...six?”

Her one vibrant golden eye shined at the words that left his mouth, much more interested in this conversation and transaction than she had been previously, “ _Everything_ sir?”

“ _Ja_.”

“Ah well...that would be…” She smirks a bit as she counts on her fingers, “3 gold.”

“Ah wonderful….do you have a...a basket to go with it?”

“A fancy basket or a normal basket?”

“Fancy.” Caleb doesn’t even hesitate, a sheepish grin pulling at his lips.

“4 Gold then.” the goblin responded obviously trying to oversell to the human wizard. Holding out her hand, waiting for the payment.

With a nod Caleb went into his bag, pulling out a single platinum piece, placing it into the center of her palm, “Ah can you perhaps add a bow to that? A big one?”

“Ri...Right away sir!” her eye practically shined, “Dinin! Grab the fancy basket!”

Caleb shifted uncomfortably, his body stiffening at the sudden yell as the goblin jumped from the step ladder waiting for drow in the back, Dinin, to bring forth a large purple and blue woven basket. Bits and pieces of silver colored strands woven into it causing the basket to shimmer when hit by the light just in the right way. “Would you like the wrap as well Nes?” His voice was calm, his apron also covered in flour and what looked like bits of frosting was splattered for some extra flavor.

“Yes. And a giant bow. Biggest one we got.”

Dinin nodded at that, heading back to where he came from while Nes began to eagerly put two of everything in the basket, the six cupcakes on top elegantly decorating the lot. The drow entered the room once more, finishing up with the final decoration of a giant purple bow with shiny silver accents. Right on top.

Caleb wasn’t sure how good any of these pastries actually tasted, the worry that Jester would hate all of them floated at the back of his head, but at least the basket looks beautiful. 

“Thank you so much for your service.” Nes curtsied with a tooth grin on her face, clearly happy with her sale this morning.

“I’m sure I um...my friends and I we will come again I’m sure.” He nodded, huffing a bit as he picked up the ostentatious basket, having not expected just how heavy it would be with so many pastries. It should have been light right?

“Please do, you are always welcome here at The Shrouded Empyreal.” the goblin stated the name of the shop once again. The wizard could only assume it was because the sign was practically hidden outside and word of mouth was how they got their business. All they had to do was fix it. 

Fixing a sign is easy.

Fixing a heart was what was hard.

Caleb lugged the large basket home, now getting stares not because he was a human but because he was having trouble carrying a large and extravagant and clearly _gaudy_ pastry basket. His own strength being challenged as quiet Zemnian swears exited his mouth all the way back to The Xhorhaus.

He huffed, resting his back against the front door, using both hands to hold his treats. There were ways for him to have done that easier, if he wasn’t so exhausted he could have thought of clearly more efficient ways. Teleportation would have been a quick way...waste of a powerful spell _but_ would have gotten him here without the sweat on his brow. Caleb could have spent a few minutes putting this basket in his amber _but_ what if while floating in his personal pocket plane it flipped upside down and caused some of the treats to get messy? He didn’t want to risk it.

With a few more long labored breaths expiring from his mouth he continued his journey, one step at a time, truly glad Beau wasn’t here to see him struggle. She would have never let him live it down.

He stopped right outside Jester's door. Caleb was intimidated, for sure. This was new for him. Very new. Even when he was a teenager he never had to try to mend a broken heart. His own had been shattered and the Nein had been slowly but surely putting it back together, creating the person who should have been. Yet this...with a door separating him from one of the people who brought so much joy into his life; it almost looked like a wall that should never be crossed. 

Caleb slid down against the wall, his back caressing the wood, just staring at the door for a few seconds...a few minutes. Trying to get Caduceus’s words to overlap any negative thoughts that would make him want to turn away and head back to his room. To try and forget her distressed face, tears threatening to release. The way her body quivered, her voice crack whilst speaking only a few words. The way he _willingly_ pulled Jester into a hug and barely got any response in return...

In truth There was nothing that could keep his keen mind from that vision. Her tears were a curse. Could make him break at any moment.

He couldn’t walk away now.

A _heavy_ breath leaves his lungs as his eyes go stark white, his vision going into frumpkins. At the very least Frumpkin would have been let out of the room a couple of hours ago, Sitting on the wizards bed, waiting to be summoned back to him. Or Caleb might see his cat sitting calmly next to the letter, waiting for the tiefling to wake up. Eagerly willing to serve being her emotional support animal for the day. Week if she needed him.

What he should have expected was for Frumpkin to be squeezed tightly against Jester’s chest, her hands slowly stroking his back as he purrs. A few silent sniffles as occasional shivers wrecks her body; parts of her pillow damp from her tears.

The wizard left his cats site, a slight nervous flush painted on his freckled skin. Glad that on one hand that Frumpkin had done his job well, giving her company; on the other hand his heart was again pounding loud in his ears, frustrated that she was purposefully suffering alone.

Without thinking his knuckles rapped on her door. An ache in his chest when he realized what he had done. His mind constantly tells him to run away, be a coward, but his heart wouldn’t let him. See it as you will, a broken man being manipulated and controlled by his feelings from his overwhelming love for Jester Lavorre...or Caleb Widogast just wanting to help his _friend._

Just his friend.

“A-Ah...Jester?’ Caleb quickly cleared his throat, his voice having cracked when he first spoke, “Are you up?” _‘That is all you can come up with?’_

There was silence. His legs felt a bit weak. He couldn’t run. Couldn’t just leave the basket and pretend to not exist.

“Do you...need Frumpkin back Cayleb?” his heart jumped. He had assumed, or deep down _hoped,_ she would just ignore him. Pretend to stay asleep so no one would bother her. That is what he would do, what he _had_ done before.

“No I uh...I brought you something...that you might like.”

Stillness overcame him once again, the thumping in his chest getting louder. He was worried she could hear it to this point. His hand grasping at his chest, the fabric wrinkled under his finger tips. Soft footsteps pittering on the floor. The door cracked open...

_‘The door is opening... Scheiße’_

Caleb stood up straight, failing at acting cool as the basket of pastries sits behind him on the floor. Jester peeked out of a crack leaving Caleb to only see her _clearly_ disheveled hair whilst holding Frumpkin in her arms almost like an old stuffed animal. Her purple vibrant eyes red from rubbing, clearly still glossy as if she had just forced herself to stop crying. “You didn’t need to get anything for m...for me.”

“Oh...well I guess I’ll just uh...eat all these pastries by myself then.” Caleb shrugged, not unaware at how the door opened up just a bit more. Her entire visage was able to be seen now, broken and messy yet there was a slight spark which lit behind her eyes. Something Caleb didn't realize just how much he missed.

“...You...Pastries?”

“Hmm?” Caleb turns back around, pretending as if the large basket wasn’t heavy, “Oh this? I just….didn’t know if you wanted to try some of Rosohna’s goods with me.”

“Cayleb!” There's that smile, it was weak but it was there, “That...that that looks so pretty.”

“Ah well-”

“Where did you find...I swear I looked everywhere."

"A small shop uh...pretty hard to see. I think you would like it."

Her lips weakly turned into a smile, putting Frumpkin down. The cat automatically did his job, curling around her feet, being as cute as possible whilst Jester combed her fingers through her hair. A slight embarrassed purple flush on her own freckled cheeks.

"Would you...like to try them?" Widogasts voice was quiet, his fingers gripped the basket tighter. 

"Wi-with you?"

"Only if you uh...want me too Jester."

"Well…" she tilts her head slightly, looking at the ostentatious basket, "Eating sweets alone isn't...as fun.”

“You wouldn’t be alone with Frumpkin.” 

“Do you not want to...with me?”

_‘Oh...oh no.’_ The immediate disappointing change of tone in her voice rocked Caleb to his core. He’s made this worse already. It didn’t take long for the _sad_ tiefling in front of him to put on a mask.. Jester’s lips turning into a _fake_ smile that did not match her eyes. The purple dull and _tired_ , something Caleb was used to seeing in himself. Her body shifted, leaning in close as the wizards face contorted in fear that he already _ruined_ this. Caleb did not want her to have to fake being happy...that wasn’t why he was nervous about eating these with her. “Je...Jester....”

“Oh come on _Cayleb_ ~” She practically sung his name which caused the man to shutter, and not in the good way that made butterflies in his stomach..

“Uh...Jester I…” he sighs, running his hand through his locks, dropping the basket to the floor once again, his hand reached out for her shoulder; the tiefling _flinching_ at the sudden touch. ‘ _Fuck….’_ “I...you don’t need to...convince me? I just wasn’t...sure if you wanted to eat these treats alone…” he squeezed her shoulder. The fake smile went away once more, almost as if a short timer ran out. Not enough energy. “Believe me when I say I...miss you but I know how it feels to uh...want to be alone.”

A few excruciating silent seconds went by, a soft purple flush on her cheeks as if Jester was embarrassed from trying to force a fake visage and was caught. Not her best work.

“Please…” She pulls Caleb's hand off her shoulder, using both to hold his own...squeezing as Jester looks down at the ground. “You...you got them for me so...company would be nice...just one moment please.”

The door shut in his face. The warmth of his hand not going away, the same warmth that had traveled up his chest all the way to his ears. He could hear shuffling, a few muffled swears could be heard through the door but other than that...it was just the insisting pounding in his head. Oh he was nervous. It was pretty obvious as he stood awkwardly out of her bedroom door, his eyes occasionally darting to his left and his right...honestly hoping that either Fjord went on a morning walk _or_ was still sleeping. He just didn’t want to deal with an awkward encounter as he kept a depression gift basket at his feet.

What if, to Fjord, this would look as if this was Caleb's time to _woo_ her. That he was using this as an excuse to get with her? How could the ginger honestly expect him to understand how he was doing this to _just_ make her happy with no ulterior motive _after_ he had already yelled at him?

“Cayleb?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Are you coming?”

His mind came back into focus, a small calm smile pulling at his lips as he now looks at the tiefling. Jester’s messy hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, a new simple white house dress donned her frame; one that he had seen her lounge around in before. “You...didn’t need to change.”

“Says you...I felt a little gross…”

“No...you? Lavorre you could never be gross.”

“What about if I was like...covered in sticky oger boogers Cayleb!”

“Then you would be _covered_ in some gross _rotz_ but you yourself wouldn’t be gross.”

“Well aren't you just being sweet.” Jester’s voice was kind, her hand eagerly grabbing the basket, easily bringing it into the room and hopping onto her bed, much to Caleb's dismay. Really glad no one saw him struggling just a moment prior.

He swallowed hard, standing awkwardly in her space, looking down at Frumpkin who had still been doing what he was told to do. Cuddling up to Jester and never leaving her side. “So what did you get Cayleb?”

“Ah well…” his eyes looked around, almost as if he was trying to avoid her gaze, the blue focusing on the sketchbook that was sitting on top of the bedside table next to _Beauregards_ bed. A inkwell that looked as if it hadn’t been used in awhile, “I just… got _everything.”_

“Ev-Everything?” she poked at the basket resting in her lap, the decorated wrap hiding just how many baked goods were within.

Caleb smiled softly, awkwardly sitting down, finally, on the end of her bed, “ _Everything_...well everything that they had offered.” he nods again, looking at her as she slowly starts to unwrap her gift, “Just in case some of them wouldn’t be to your liking.”

“This is amazing Cayleb.”

“You would do the same thing if you saw The Shrouded Empyrial for yourself.”

It took all Caleb had to stay focused and not fall into his head; for once it wasn’t his undying guilt and self hatred threatening to swell up and overflow. With every soft smile and gasp that came from Jester Lavorre as she picked up each and every decorated fresh good with her delicate fingers made his heart swell. His freckled cheeks host a soft flush as he finds joy in her genuine reactions. Her tired eyes sparkling as she digs through the basket, picking and choosing just the best desserts to hold up and inspect. A _slight_ serious expression as if she was a sweet connoisseur expecting the best that Rosohna can offer.

This is what he had hoped, any sort of happiness to come to her no matter how small. He leaned his head back, his mind again drifting into his own imagination. The same thoughts he had _before_ her heart had been taken by Fjord, the ones he had felt guilty for. Being able to hold her close, arms wrapped around her as she softly smiles and coos. A calm purple painted on her cheeks as her tail slowly sways. Only glad to see her smile.

The desire to show her little tricks with his magic that he could only _hope_ would impress her. That is if he had run out of his own coin to give her anything more real much like the treats in front of her. She likes flowers right? He could take materials and create a flower that was just for her and…

Caleb closed his eyes, the chest feeling a twinge of pain bringing him back to reality. ' _No…'_ he was doing the exact thing he was not supposed to do.

"There are like so many here Cayleb"

"Hmm…" his eyes opened to stare right at her own, her back now leaning on the same wall that he had been resting "Ah... _ja..._ I am sorry but they didn't have any bear claws...though I was pretty surprised when I saw _strudel_." 

"Strudel?"

It wasn't as if she was asking what it was but more as to why he had been intrigued. "Ah...my...my mother used to bake it when I was real young...so to see a Zemnian good sold in Rosohna was...nice." the wizard cleared his throat, looking a bit sheepish as she pulled the two out from the basket, handing one over to Caleb. "I would have been more...impressed if they happened to have _Franzbrötchen_."

Her smile widened as her eyes focused on the wizard, him automatically feeling nervous. "Oh? And what's that?"

"It's uh...much like cinnamon rolls but just look a _little_ bit different. You would like them." 

"I've never had that before...is it like super popular in Rexxentrum?"

He shrugs just slightly, giving a slight huff, "While there are bakeries there uh… _Franzbrötchen_ isn’t _unpopular_ but compared to _strudel_ it’s not Rexxentrum’s top seller. However that might be because the _Franzbrötchen_ I had tried weren’t as perfect as the ones from home." His fingers pull at the pastry in his hand, seeing the small bits of apple in the filling. His eyes squinting again thinking just about _how_ these apples were made with a sunless sky. Did they import fruit from the empire or magically make these? 

"Is it your favorite?" Jester pulled up her knees to her chest, not taking her eyes off the wizard while subconsciously taking nibbles of her treat.

Caleb stayed silent for a moment before sighing, "It brings a lot of memories…" his mother used to bake it specifically to put out for breakfast. The recipe he had been used to had been in her family for generations. _'Sad it would die with me…'_

"Good memories?"

" _Ja…_ " Calebs smile softened, finally taking a bite of the strudel. 

It wasn't...it wasn't terrible. Just tasted _off_ . The wizard couldnt put his tongue one it. Was it the apples? They tasted almost manufactured, which would make sense in all honesty, or was it the sugar? He couldn't tell if there just wasn't _enough_ or that the absence of cinnamon made it taste odd.

And yet there was Jester, happily eating away at the sweet, a soft hum escaping her lips. "It's been soooo long since i've had...a fresh good." She shoved the rest into her mouth, swallowing it whole before licking her lips. "All my cupcakes are stale now…"

"I could always go get you more...just have to ask."

"Cayleb, that's like a whole spell though."

"Fresh cupcakes are worth it though, _ja_?"

As much as he hated to admit it it would take no effort from Jester to convince him of something. A quick trip to Uthodurn when the Nein had no plans? Sure. There had been interesting places there, he could always use that as an excuse to go...not just for baked goods.

They sat in a comfortable silence, both slowly trying every pastry. Jester's tail calmly swayed back and forth as she seemed to completely get lost in the moment. The tiefling often hummed before picking a cookie, tearing it in half and handing it over. Caleb always took it, not once declining no matter how full his stomach got.

Everything seemed content.

Jester shifted uncomfortably, Frumpkin siding up next to her. The fey seemingly sensing any sort of discomfort in the tiefling, nuzzling into her side as she sighs.

"Hey...Cayleb?"

"Yes Jester?"

"Have you...have you ever been in love?"

He blinked a few times as if to focus his site, staring directly into her eyes. She seemed determined, not sad...at least that was a start. He gulped, heartbeat racing once again " _Ja_...I have...."

"Astrid?"

His lips pursed together, eyes dulling before a sad smile pulled at him "Ah...yes...one of them."

"So you've been in love like...a few times?"

"Well love is uh...it's complicated Jester…" and love with Astrid, Eaodwolf and Jester well...they were all different kinds. Some were in a whole other life than the one he's living now. While others would never happen, a fleeting dream. 

"Oh…" she swallowed, nibbling once more at what looked like something in between from a shortbread and an oatmeal cookie. The wizard wouldn’t tell if the sweet wasn’t to her liking enough or Jester was just so deep in her own thoughts that her face turned displeased.

"It might be complicated and I...may not be the most _experienced_ I...I could try. To help...to listen I mean."

Her voice came out quiet, one of her fingers drawing constant circles on her knee. "I...so you have fallen...in love again?"

_'Like you wouldn't believe.'_

"Yes. I have…"

“And...that’s not stupid or impossible…”

“Of course not.”

“So what if...So what if Cayleb you thought you were truly in love. Like your heart still hurts and you _don’t_ want to let that go... is that stupid?” Jester picked up Frumpkin, squeezing him close to her chest. He took a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak only to get interupted, “And and… how do you get over… the one who gave you your first kiss and...first night you know…”

The wizard furrowed his eyebrows, trying his best to come up with a constant stream of words that wouldn’t harm her in any way. She isn’t stupid, and she isn’t _ruined_ by being with one person. “The truth is...Jester I don’t believe you need to _get…_ get over it?”

Her tail wrapped around her leg tighter as her eyes looked away from him, causing Caleb to breathe out deeply once again. "Fjord was... _is_ your _first_ love, _ja_?”

She nodded.

“I...I believe that that is a tricky concept.” Caleb dug his fingers into his arm, avoiding wanting to go up and grip at his own chest, “He may have been...your first _romantic_ relationship...however I believe we live in a world of many firsts.”

“Oh?”

“Your first kiss was with Fjord...but if you eventually fell in love with another you kissing them would be a _new_ first.” his eyes looked forward, thinking about all his own new firsts since being with the Nein. “Your _new_ first hug… _new_ first date… _new_ first _time_ .” Caleb's head finally turned to stare at Jester with a warm smile. “Life is full of firsts and uh...while I may not be the most _experienced_ I....that is what I believe Jester.” _‘At least that is what I believe partially...now’_

The wizard heard a few sniffles, seeing Jester's eyes glissen over once gain, however a soft grin pulled at her lips. “You sound pretty...experienced _.”_

“It is all a ruse I tell you.”

“You’re pretty smart though Cayleb...mama wasn’t even able to help.” she sighs, scratching Frumpkin from behind his ears, the cat purring in the silence. “That is a lie...she did try but so much can be said in 25 words...and I was...am scared she will kill Fjord.”

_‘Sounds as if his own fury could be replicated...however a mother's scorn could be far worse._ ’

“Ah and...what about the Traveler?”

“He also said to kill Fjord.”

“Not surprised.”

“But I don’t want to kill him...I still love him. And he's my friend.”

“And he still loves you.” Caleb responded, biting his inner cheek, “Just...maybe sometimes relationships don’t...work? Your love could just be pulled in different directions.”

Jester let out a long breath, taking a moment to wipe some crumbs onto the floor. Her eyes blankly staring in front of herself as if trying to comprehend too many feelings at once. “I...I feel stupid.”

“Because...your relationship ended?”

He hadn’t intended for it to come out the way it had. 

_Uncaring_. 

“I...I mean.”

“It’s...okay like...I have another question Cayleb.”

He gulped again, Jesters face completely shifting to the saddened expression that broke him. Her eyebrows furrowed as her teeth bit down on her lower lip. “Go ahead I… can try.”

“I fell in love...with someone who said they loved me.” She clears her throat, “You say they still love me just not like...in the same way yes?”

“ _Ja_.”

“And...In my books...” her eyes squint, “Not that I only know everything from books…”

“Of course.”

“But like...they talk about true love and how...you know in your heart right?” Jester’s hand reached up to clutch her own chest, “And I believed that like…” the cleric stopped talking, her eyes glazing over as her eyebrows furrowed. The wizard's blue eyes focusing on her as he notices her hesitation, the way Jester bites her lower lip to stop herself from talking which keyed him in as much as the unfocused dull eyes of hers.

“I...never...never mind.”

There were the words he was dreading. She wasn’t ready to talk and gods did he wish he could ask her to elaborate, to make her comfortable enough to spill everything but Caleb wanted to respect her. _Will_ respect her as she shimmies uncomfortably. The fact that she had spoken to him at _all_ about what problems she had been having is...well it made him feel nice enough.

The small smile that ghosted on her lips every once in while caused the butterflies in his stomach to warm up and travel through his body. Anything was better than her tears.

“It...has nothing um...to do with you Cayleb.” a faint blush again painted on her cheeks as her eyes regained focus on the sheepish wizard. As if she was worried that he would be offended by her keeping some things close to her chest.

“Ah I...I understand Jester…” he watched as the tiefling hid her face into his fey cat. Caleb knew the frantic look she had and the uncomfortable nervous movements of her body. She was worried that she hurt his feelings. He cleared his throat again, picking one of the more dry looking treats from the basket and taking a quick nibble.

“You know...not all of these were...bad.” 

“I think they needed more sugar.”

“Right thats...thats what they need.” He smiles softly as her body tension begins to soften, “Maybe they don’t have all the right recipes or ingredients.”

“They weren’t bad Cayleb, you did a great job and thank you so so much.”

He smiled softly standing up from her bed, wiping the crumbs off his shirt, “Anything for you Blueberry…” 

“Anything?”

“Ah... _ja_.” he squinted before looking her way, trying his best to not be too suspicious.

“Even...even baking Franz-bra-chen?”

" _Franzbrötchen?"_ Caleb couldn't hide his immediate shock that shook his body as Jester butchered the name. His eyebrows furrowed a bit.

"Yeah, that. That is what I just said."

"I mean...Jester. I don't have a concrete...recipe" he _lied_ . Even as a child he memorized his mother's cookbook before magic had taken over his life, filling every bit of his mind. He enjoyed the _idea_ of cooking with his father for her when she wanted a break but they would just scramble around the kitchen as if they were all thumbs, a mess would always be made. "Or or...ingredients needed."

"Cayleb you said anything…"

Her eyes shined as her lips pulled into a pout. _'Not the puppy dog eyes…'_ a heavy breath leaves his body as one hand covers his face. No matter how much he would love to not have that look glued into his brain there was no one who could survive a look like _that_ from Jester Lavorre.

"I did say anything."

"And and...we can go to Rexxentrum right? To get ingredients and a recipe...if you need one."

"We...we could." he relented, pushing his hair out of his face, eyes trained on the floor before looking towards Jester.

Her smile was contagious. 

It as if life poured into her as her slight excitement roared, "Unless you don't want to Cayleb we don't _have_ to it’s just you seemed so content when you first mentioned it and…" she stops to catch her breath, scratching Frumpkin from behind his ears, "And and like… I like it when you smile"

That caught him of guard for sure 

"I...I smile"

"Yes and when you smile it's perfect Cayleb."

Caleb's lips pulled into a nervous grin when she said that, his freckled cheeks warming up once more. "Ah... _danke_ Jester…you uh...I love your smile too."

His heart began to race.

"Thank you Cayleb…"

A few seconds of awkward silence filled the chamber around him before he cleared his throat once more.

"Would you like to try and bake _Franzbrötchen_ tomorrow then Blueberry?" His body rested comfortably against the bedside table across from her. "We could take a few trips to uh...gather a proper recipe and some ingredients. I must inform you i'm not...a great cook."

"Oh everyone is a great cook when reading a recipe" she giggled slightly as her eyes shined brighter. Seemingly in a slightly better mood as she had been.

_'Gods that giggle…'_

"You might be onto something Lavorre." He stands up straight and grins, "However I do believe Caduceus could be uh...nice help." Caleb couldn't help but notice the slight change in her expression and body language. "Or...we could just try our best together, _ja?"_

Jester nodded again, smiling happily as she pulls Frumpkin close to her. The cat meowing _almost_ annoyed before catching Caleb's eyes, a slight shake of his head to keep him on task of being the best emotional support fey cat he could be. "I haven't tried making my own pastries before. We always had chef ya know and my help was just throwing the chocolate chips in or something."

"We could cause havoc in the kitchen."

"Oh, I'm planning on it now Cayleb."

With a clearing of his throat he made his way to the door, "So tomorrow we will do some hopping and shopping, _ja?"_

"I'll make sure to be up bright and early for you, don't you _worry_.

With an awkward head nod the nervous wizard leaves her room, his back immediately resting on the now closed carved door. Heavy breaths leaving him as his hand grasps at his chest.

He did good, or he was doing good while in there. Now he was a mess, a blushing blubbering mess with a heartbeat that was clearly not healthy for a human man. 

That went better than he had hoped, better than he would have ever imagined. Caleb Widogast was able to make Jester genuinely smile and all it took were a few treats that may or may not have been satisfactory. It’s not a mystery anymore as to why Esseks own treats were dull and dry. 

With a heavy sigh and a yawn he stretched his arms taught above his head, a stressful crack sounded through the hallway as his stress dissipated from his body. His eyes heavy and _tired_ having felt a twinge of successful joy warming up his chest. All he has to do now is to bake with the tiefling...with a recipe he hadn’t thought of touching ever since he woke up in the asylum. An uncomfortable feeling did overcome him as he thought about it...but then he remembered her excited smile.

He couldn’t let her down.

With a collapse onto his bed he sighed, pulling his pillow close to his chest for a well needed sleep.

A mid day sleep took him as his dream consisted of only Jester Lavorre.

Surely his good mood will have dissipated followed by his insufferable guilt as soon as he wakes up. 

**Author's Note:**

> Part two of this series, sorry it got so long. There was absolutely going to be more but forgot the use of pacing. Like before I said I maybe have like two or three more in me planned. After reading this so many times I'm not as confident. But I do hope you enjoy my ramblings.


End file.
